Will Rogers Quotes
Vaudeville Performer, Humorist
Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.
The best way out of a difficulty is through it.
There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.
You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because that's where the fruit is.
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.
Worrying is like paying on a debt that may never come due.
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.
Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious.
Last year we said, 'Things can't go on like this', and they didn't, they got worse.
The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you.
Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want to impress people they don't like.
In Hollywood the woods are full of people that learned to write but evidently can't read. If they could read their stuff, they'd stop writing.
All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.
It isn't what we don't know that gives us trouble, it's what we know that ain't so.
When ignorance gets started it knows no bounds.
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth.
Even though you are on the right track - you will get run over if you just sit there.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in.
Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it.
If you want to be successful, it's just this simple. Know what you are doing. Love what you are doing. And believe in what you are doing.
About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens with a prayer and closes with an investigation.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
This thing of being a hero, about the main thing to it is to know when to die.
I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him 'father.'
A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.
We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others.
An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.
Buy land. They ain't making any more of the stuff.
A fool and his money are soon elected.
Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.
Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what's going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?
The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, 'How is the president?'
This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by.
You can't say civilization don't advance... in every war they kill you in a new way.
When the Oakies left Oklahoma and moved to California, it raised the I.Q. of both states.
Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.
I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.
The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn't still be a farmer.
When should a college athlete turn pro? Not until he has earned all he can in college as an amateur.
The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.
People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.
There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators.
If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics.
Politics is applesauce.
It's not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts.
Never let yesterday use up too much of today.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Things ain't what they used to be and never were.
We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?
Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.
The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.
People's minds are changed through observation and not through argument.
The schools ain't what they used to be and never was.
The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the way it's been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get it without even asking.
The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.
The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living. That's one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living.
An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out.
Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven't had one since Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln.
Anything important is never left to the vote of the people. We only get to vote on some man; we never get to vote on what he is to do.
One-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other two-thirds provide.
Get someone else to blow your horn and the sound will carry twice as far.
On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.
People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide.
An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's.
The fellow that can only see a week ahead is always the popular fellow, for he is looking with the crowd. But the one that can see years ahead, he has a telescope but he can't make anybody believe that he has it.
It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.
I read about eight newspapers in a day. When I'm in a town with only one newspaper, I read it eight times.
The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.
Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't have to advertise it.
Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.
Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.
The difference between a Republican and a Democrat is the Democrat is a cannibal they have to live off each other, while the Republicans, why, they live off the Democrats.
America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few.
If the other fellow sells cheaper than you, it is called dumping. 'Course, if you sell cheaper than him, that's mass production.
Chaotic action is preferable to orderly inaction.
Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing, and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even.
A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries.
Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week.
If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.
One Ad is worth more to a paper than forty Editorials.
If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising then they wouldn't have to advertise them.
The time to save is now. When a dog gets a bone, he doesn't go out and make a down payment on a bigger bone. He buries the one he's got.
Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it.
If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.
Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.
I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.
Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it... You take diplomacy out of war, and the thing would fall flat in a week.