Katherine Ryan Quotes
Comedian
People who like my stuff and know what my agenda is have never mistaken me for being racist or poking fun at the wrong thing.
My dad's Irish, so I was visiting Ireland a lot as a kid, so it's not totally foreign to me.
I know a lot about systemic lupus erythematosus because I have it, too. I was diagnosed through the NHS when I first moved to England in 2008 following months of serious illness.
The Kardashian family have earned their place as an American dynasty.
Racism is what acquitted O. J. Simpson.
Our attention spans have been reduced by the immediate gratification provided by smartphones and social media.
Stand-up comedy is not a man's job. It's an alpha job: To be the only person in a room with a microphone who's allowed to talk.
When you're little, every experience writes on the canvas of who you are.
I am an undisputed gangster. To me, that means playing by my own rules.
I have huge admiration for Taylor Swift. She's tall, talented, young, thin, and beautiful. More importantly, she seems focused, generous, vulnerable, and kind.
I am behind Kanye West for American President 100 per cent.
My life is so much better with lupus because I know that stress and too much junk food will literally put me in hospital.
In Canada, we just have rich and poor, but we don't constantly remind poor people about it.
I'm actually thrilled with the woman I'm turning out to be.
The holidays are the worst time to travel, and ISIS aren't making things any easier.
Jeremy Corbyn confuses the public because he looks like a librarian and enjoys baking bread.
I thank God every day that there was no YouTube or Twitter when I was a teenager. I would have had a channel, and it would have been mortifying.
You'll never make a success of yourself when you're doing an impersonation of somebody else.
When I think about women of color and their place politically in the world and culture... they've had two layers of just garbage to overcome. To me, a black woman is a woman-woman.
Growing up in Canada, I dated a few ice hockey players.
I'm a flirt by nature, and I like flirting with that line of what's passable and what's not, and I genuinely don't believe that I cross it.
Christmas coming means one thing for comedians: office party gigs!
My mother was a businesswoman; my grandmother was a businesswoman - it never occurred to me that life might be harder because you're a woman. It wasn't until later and I had a bigger sense of the world that I realised that.
Part of me has always wanted to be like Marilyn Monroe or any Fifties Hollywood starlet. On screen, they seemed so sexy and simple and looked after. In real life, I'm none of those things. But I'd rather be fierce and complicated.
If I ever move back to Canada, it'll be because I'm terminally ill.
Why would you watch an Oscar-nominated film unless you're mad enough to purposely experience feelings? Bleh. I'm not interested in catching those.
I think commitment is inextricably linked with success, and rightly or wrongly, people with a fierce commitment to their goals - the Kanyes of this world - are really entertaining.
I think it's better, if people aren't getting on, that they should divorce.
Isolated incidents have lateral, lasting implications.
I was born with the confidence of an 89-year-old man. So it's strange when people ask, 'What's it like being a female comedian?' It never occurred to me that I'd be limited as a woman - that I couldn't be a scientist, a doctor, or anything I wanted.
I was lucky to develop in the U.K. because I find comedy - in addition to being caustic - it's quite literary over here, and alternative comedy isn't so alternative.
I had white hair when I was 19. I think bleach can be addictive, and before long, you've gone too far with it and can't tell you've got a problem. It was over-processed and genuinely crispy, but I thought I looked amazing.
I love Lena Dunham. I love, love, love her.
When I talk about celebrities, it's not a dismantling of that human being.
Alice Levine has great unique style and beautiful red hair.
I wanted to be liked when I was younger, which I think a lot of us do; I'm not ashamed to say it. I was a product of my environment, a product of my culture.
When you stand out in a small town or at work,or in your peer group, whatever it is, it feels really awful. Certainly, when you're growing up, you want to be normal. You just want to fit in. Then you realize that maybe fitting in is, in some respects, quite ordinary. I think it's good to put a positive spin on being slightly unique.
I'm nearly see-through. Like a jellyfish.
Anything that I'm passionate about and surprises me usually ends up turning into a joke simply because I have questions about it and I'm curious and I want to talk about it.
I feel like I'm always on the right side of wrong and trying to shout out for the underdog.
If you really want to wind up Piers Morgan, send him a pic of Jeremy Clarkson.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to look and feel like a grown woman when I was young. That's one reason why it's important to hold adults who take advantage of that fully accountable.
It's not my place to tell anyone what kind of feminist she should be.
I guess I talk about her because I'm interested; I'm listening. Taylor Swift's words are so valuable to so many young people, not just her #GirlSquad.
I don't think I spoke to anyone apart from my daughter for the first two years of her life.
If I've got a confidence problem, it's that my self-esteem is entirely too high.
You think Trump cares if you leave? He wants power, not prosperity.
The more you mess with texture and colour, the worse your hair is going to feel.
I love Little Mix, and I always have.
I have little time for sincerity.
The representation of women in hip-hop has long been so flagrantly unkind.
Many of us are quite stupid.
Regressing back to an infant state is nothing to be proud of. Rich Americans don't drive themselves, don't cook, don't do their own nails/hair/make-up, don't shop, and I suppose all they've got in common with rich British people is that they don't raise their own kids, either.
If you're struggling for gift ideas, my advice is to give experiences rather than things.
Society wants happy families.
How are people still working with Terry Richardson?
We don't have 'posh' in Canada. It's just not a thing that exists.
Posh people blow my mind. Apart from empathy, they're good at everything - true survivalists.
I highly recommend reading the book 'Confessions Of A Video Vixen.'
Skiing is ridiculous.
All I've ever wanted to be is a strong, powerful, beautiful black woman.
I talk funny 'cause I come from Canada.
One of my favourite things about living in the U.K. is having that chance to go to festivals.
I've decided that I'm completely rock n' roll.
I love Britain. I'm an Irish citizen, but I was born in Canada, and I'm a British comedian, really. My entire career has been over here.
We don't have glamour models in Canada at all.
I'm not interested in younger men for the same reason most women aren't interested in younger men; I don't have time to make an extra packed lunch every morning. Please. I'm busy enough already.
Question everything.
I don't worry about whether or not people like me.
I love paying people to touch me. Nail techs, hair stylists, dermatologists, make-up artists, osteopaths: you name it, I love it.
I was really lucky to have been raised in this really powerful matriarchy where my dad was around, but I was with my mom and my grandma most of the time. They were heavy influences on me. My mother has a career in technology; my grandma sold real estate.
I was certainly not a class clown; I confused and angered a lot of people with my sense of humor.
When I talk about celebrities, I don't dislike them - it's what they represent.
I'm from that generation where there aren't that many pictures of me as a baby.
In Canada, good waitresses are tipped well. I learnt that the harder you work, the more money you make.
I started doing little amateur nights at the comedy club that was right next to the restaurant that I waitressed in when I was in university. I was probably 22 years old. I didn't do it with any intention of making a career out of it; I had just always valued comedy.
Justin Bieber is a lovely chap.
I feel like my comedy voice is to take the news and everything that's happening and put a funny spin on it or to pick out the things I find funny about it.
When you're really famous, there's very little authenticity in people, so you prefer the company of children.
I really loved making my mom laugh, and I knew that she thought that I was funny. It was really valuable, in my home growing up, to be able to have a chat and participate in a conversation and be funny. Whatever I could do to make my mom laugh could either get me out of trouble or just get me more attention or get me respect in the house.
The beautiful thing about comedy in the U.K. is that it has a clever twist to it, and when you really break it down, the joke isn't filthy at all: it's clever.
I got into comedy at exactly the right moment.
I'd never say something that I didn't feel I could defend.
I was a product of the society that said women are for decoration, and I do think girls should be able to do whatever they want.
I'm very careful not to tell a joke just to get a reaction.
I always tried to fit in, so I was a cheerleader with the orange skin and white-blonde hair, and Hooters was part of that.
I was seen as a little weirdo. But I was certain I wasn't a weirdo. I knew who the weirdos were, and it wasn't me!
I have a really different touring life to most comedians because I go home every night to do the school run in the morning. So I'm not in hotels or living it up.
I'm a single mother. It's silly to turn down work.
I wasn't properly performing in Canada. I was just starting out, and when everyone starts out, they're terrible. I'm sure there are some Kellyanne Conway videos of me just really dying on a stage.
I've always been attracted to comedy that was really close to the line and made people a little uncomfortable, because that's where progress comes from.
I didn't really realise that I was going to have more obstacles because I was a woman. It was never something that I thought about.
I'm proud to be Canadian. But I identify as being a British mum.
Growing up, I loved comedy even before I knew that you could be a stand-up comedian.
I don't know that I'd be a comedian if I stayed in Canada.
If I'm in the position where I get to hire someone, where I get to decide who joins me on tour, then I am mindful about that, and I try to suggest women that I know who I think deserve more exposure.
I'm not a nasty person.
I'm not a Rachel Dolezal. I don't fake tan; I don't have the cornrows, I don't misappropriate. I just want to be Beyonce.